if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
