Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
