At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Ketchup is God's man juice
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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