mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
