When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
