Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
