i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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