You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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