I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
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The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
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Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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