If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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