We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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