so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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