Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
