I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
