why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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