So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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