20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
