It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
