you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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