he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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