just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
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Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
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You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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