Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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