I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
