Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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