ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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