Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
