Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
