we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
