we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
