YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
