batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
