My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
