The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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