glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
