we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
