Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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