She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
