I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
cat food counts as protein by the way
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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