You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
