you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
