please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
