She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
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Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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