in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
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Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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