Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
