Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
did i just pee glitter
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
