Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
