five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
