Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
