You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
