She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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