I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
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The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
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By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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