I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
