There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
this beer tastes like vomit already
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
