I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
