There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
