you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
