she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
