i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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