My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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