yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
