He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
