this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
