She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
