I like to think it a success when the cops are called
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
