I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
