OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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