Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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