What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
