so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
