I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
